Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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