he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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