at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
