He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
