Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
