thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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