My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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