I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
