Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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