o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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