i will never coherently bang her
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
