Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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