that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
