Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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