it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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