no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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