Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
