i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
