I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is wine microwaveable?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
