I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
