Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
