Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
