I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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