My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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