on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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