soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
