Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Shame is for Republicans.
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