You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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