I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Someone shit on the floor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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