Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize