Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
