In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
