The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
