Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
