DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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