Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
