we have officially lost it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
