yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
