I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
