I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
