Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
