How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
