My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
