So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
