So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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