Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
