I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
