i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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