i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
