Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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