Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
