if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize