Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
