for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
