we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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