I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
