If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
