I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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