Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
