i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
