i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
