It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
