I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you would pick up someone in the library
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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