Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
