The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would ride that face into the sunset
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
