Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
