After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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