why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Say something about gay babies.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
