Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
