Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
