I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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