hotel room ftw
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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