The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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