More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
